Life in the Single Lane

“You’re 25 and single! We need to find you a boyfriend.” That’s been the story of my year. There have been certain people in my life who have made it their sole mission in life to find me a boyfriend. (Apparently I am not complete unless I have a significant other...)

Meet the team:

• My Mother
• My Boss Lady
• My Friends

I constantly feel as though I’m on one those lame dating shows.

My Mother:

"Behind door number we have a cute, Coloured businessman. I approve of him. He’s a nice young man and would make an excellent son-in-law… Don’t you agree with me bachelor number one????"

My boss lady:

“Behind door number two we have all these potential boyfriends who have jobs (the company is paying them very well) and they are really nice guys. They’re sweet. Go on, go talk to them. Be quick now, before they get snapped up!”

My friends:

“Behind door number three we have all these good looking guys with great personalities. We have a few S.D’s (Sugar Daddy’s); BEE Tender brothers who drive Black Man’s Wheels (BMW’s) and don’t forget the brother who’s willing to buy you and all of us Patron in the club.”

With all these doors and all these options… I should be in a relationship with at least one of them right… WRONG! They are all just not my type and the dating show thing is just a bit too awkward for my liking.

I’ll settle down with someone special once I meet him. I know that I’m going to have to kiss a few toads before I meet my prince charming. I’m up for the challenge. Until then, I’m just living for me, myself and I. God will drop that significant other in front of me one day and I’ll choose him.

For now I’m happy living life in the single lane.

I’m still waiting

Just when I thought that I had nothing to share as my first post … drama found me once again.

No not the drama that happened last week when I put my foot in it and was caught gossiping about a girl at work to a friend on the bus by the very same girl that I was gossiping about… Turns out that she was actually sitting right behind me. Awkward!

Something of a much more serious nature happened and created content for my first post. Here’s a diary of the events:

3am: Thieves break into my locked garage and set off the alarm system.

4am: Armed response guy wishes me luck and advises that the thieves will be back again for what they want.

5am: I’m still waiting for our men in blue formally known as the South African Police Service to show up (then again I’m still waiting for them from break in number four that took place two weeks ago.)

6am: I’m grumpy due to being awake from 3am.

8am: Call a locksmith to fix the 4 damaged locks on the garage door.

1:30pm: Neighbour’s house broken into

5:00pm: Still no sign of the police or the locksmith. I’ve decided to buy a gun to shoot to kill.

One may say that this is a typical story about crime in South Africa and that I must just deal with it. I accept that this sort of thing happens not just to me but also to others and that it could have been worse.

It has now become the norm for South Africans to live in homes that resemble maximum-security prisons. Thanks to robbery number five I will be keeping up with the Khumalo's. I too will have to raise the fence and not see my neighbours, put barbed wire, add another 10 locks and bolts and chains on all doors and sleep with my illegal gun under my pillow.

Sadly the police would not be able to help or protect you when it comes to crime. Instead your call for help to the police is ignored or shifted down their list of priorities because it is more important for them to assist a battered woman or confiscate alcohol from the local tavern.

When an intruder has entered my home and God forbid raped or murdered, would the police be willing to protect and serve me then? In that instance would the locksmith finally arrive to fix my locks? Would the armed response guy wish me luck then? Must it be a rape or murder that gets a response? It appears that when it is too late, that is when people actually take note of what is happening and something gets done. Sad but true!

How much is that ticket to Australia again????

(Phone rings:  The locksmith has advised that he hasn’t forgotten about me.)